I’ve been working hard on rehabilitating my hand, desensitizing the area around the incision, massaging the scar, and slowly rebuilding the strength I’ve lost over the last six weeks, so I had not been very focused on any other changes from the surgery. But recently I noticed a very big change! After amputation, I had persistent “phantom sensations,” the feeling that my finger was still there in space. This was different from the phantom pain that could feel like pins and needles, electric shocks, or stabbing or shooting pain. I especially noticed the phantom sensations when wearing gloves. It was so strong that whenever I put on regular 5-fingered gloves, I had no idea where my intact fingers were. Even if I could see that the middle finger of the glove was empty, it felt like my finger was there. But now, it’s completely gone. No phantom pain and no phantom sensations! My brain registers that I only have four fingers! Just to be sure, I played with putting on a 5-fingered glove and every time I put it on, I knew exactly where my four fingers were. I know amputees who can still feel their missing limb 30 years later, so having my middle finger completely erased seems strange!

When I mentioned this result to my surgeon recently, they found it very interesting. They went on to explain that chronic pain can cause a sort of “burn-in” on the brain, like a screensaver image that has burned into a computer screen. It isn’t quite there, but it’s always there. Instead, they said my result indicated that my pain was due to hyperactvity of the nerves. I was sensing pain from the nerves in my hand and now that the neuroma has been removed, I am not sensing anything any more. No pain, no phantom, nothing! It is both wonderful and strange. It took a while to get used to having a ghost finger, it will take some time to get used to having that ghost excised!