I was riding my local trails recently and met a couple on top-of-the-line mountain bikes. I ride my gravel bike with drop bars on the trails while wearing my palmar hook because I can’t safely and securely hold the bars on a mountain bike, and this makes me a rare sight on the trail full of flat bar bikers. We passed each other a few times while zipping along the dirt, and I met them again at the start where I was readying for another lap. The woman made a comment about admiring my bike, and I held up my hand to explain why I couldn’t be on a sweet mountain bike like hers, even though I’d like to. Then the man started trying to tell me that I would do so much better if I just changed the custom setup on my bike to one he was recommending because it was “more ergonomic,” with barely an acknowledgement of my disability. Cool, stranger I’ve only just met, I am sure your knowledge of current bike tech is better than the years of trial and error I have gone through to even be able to ride a bike, especially on a trail. And when you say it is more ergonomic, I’m sure you’re taking into account the damaged structures of my hand and the incredible pain I sometimes suffer because of it, and are not just going by some marketing of the latest fad in the bike industry. And of course you were taking into account my riding ability too, right? Or did you just see my gender?

I was a woman in the bike industry for decades, so I have countless stories of men like this one telling me they know more than me despite the fact that I was the professional. But acquiring a physical disability has limited the amount of time and patience I am willing to give these strangers now. I’ve had engineers chat me up as they brainstorm solutions to replacing my finger, and it was no more welcome or helpful than the devout stranger I met at a grocery store who insisted on praying over my newly amputated hand. I didn’t ask for your help, you just inserted yourself into my life without asking. And you never even bothered to ask me my name.

Maybe next time we pass on the trail, we can just say “sweet ride!” and respect each other as equals instead.